While pregnant, I took all the steps toward being a perfect parent. I read sleep books. I listened to classical music on my commute. I didn't eat lunch meat or raw cookie dough (the true test of unconditional love). I was making the perfect baby.
I planned the perfect labor. I would work up until the day my labor started. I would labor until dilated to a six, get an epidural, and push my baby into the world in a rush of emotion.
I set up the perfect nursery. My parents bought us a beautiful crib. My husband hand-painted the knobs on the dresser. I folded all of the tiny clothes and put them into the drawers.
I would feed my baby the perfect food, put him on the perfect sleep schedule, and I would do it all without going a single day without applying make-up.
It was perfection! Now all I had to do was wait for that perfect little angel to arrive.
My baby was breech. My water broke at 37 weeks, leading to an emergency c-section. I finger-fed my baby formula to keep him from starving while my milk refused to come in. His tiny clothes were humongous. He wouldn't sleep in his beautiful crib. And he just wouldn't follow his schedule!
I spent the next several weeks reading every sleep book on the planet and spoke with every parent I knew about sleep schedules, looking for the "right" one. I scolded my baby for waking up hungry after I had just fed him an hour earlier. I couldn't understand how all of my studying had amounted to nothing. I was supposed to feel in control of this situation. Instead, I felt more confused than ever. Of course, I felt all of these emotions behind a face full of make-up.
Over the past three months, I have learned a lesson more valuable than I could have learned in any master's level course or capstone project. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS PERFECT PARENTING. There is no book that will tell you exactly what to do when your child is crying, or how to get him to put himself to sleep. There is no method to get your baby to reach his milestones early and therefore win the competition of being the perfect baby. You can't control the fact that your poor baby seems miserable because he hasn't pooped in a week and can't quite figure out what to do about it.
Yes, there is advice. There's plenty of that. Too much, in fact. But there is no textbook on how to be the perfect parent or raise the perfect baby. There's just not. And there never will be. That's how it's supposed to be. You just have to let go, let your motherly instincts kick in, and be OK if nothing goes according to plan. And yes, it's even OK if you go an entire day without applying a speck of make-up.
Now I understand why they say parenting is the biggest challenge of your life...but also the biggest joy :)
